I think this title was originally used by Peter Mohrbacher (if anybody knows otherwise, please point it out to me) and is about the short film 'Ten meter tower'
HOPPTORNET (TEN METER TOWER) by Axel Danielson & Maximilien Van Aertryck from Plattform Produktion on Vimeo.
Everybody struggles with it, the fear of doing something scary because it might be dangerous. There are of course moments in which this anxiety is healthy. But there are many situations in which anxiety is not necessary and thus is holding you back.
To tell you a bit about me: I come from a family of anxious people. This is no joke: My grandmother fainted when my grandfather played a prank on her. Since I freeze when I get scared I like to think of myself as a human possum ;) . Furthermore, everything I do has to be planned way ahead, possibly with plan B to Z. This is a good skill to have because most of the time I am prepared for nearly everything and even if things go wrong I stay calm.
But... it also keeps me from taking risks, even in moments in which nearly nothing bad could happen. The film shows how hard it is for us humans to take a risk if our body and mind say “Don't do it!! Bad things will happen! Maybe you will die!!” even if the risk is of this is very low when jumping from a tower in a pool.
With this post I want to encourage everybody to take calculated risks! Especially if this involves getting out of your comfort zone. For me personally I made 2017 the year of 'de-scaring' myself.
First of I got a tattoo — I always wanted to have one but always found a reason for not getting one.
I attended three major art events — IFCC, THU and Playgrounds. A massive amount of people and talent in a very intense environment. So many reasons to get anxious: I hate flying, not only the hassle of being at an airport, but mostly the physical sensation of flying and the constant irrational fear of crashing. I dislike large groups and moving around in them and then the socialising and “What if nobody likes my art!?”
and — I got a car and I am (still) learning how to drive. With this I won't go into details, but it's a big one for me and stressed me out most of this year.
Nothing bad has happened by meeting my very irrational fears head on!
Quite the opposite: I've got to meet great people, had many meaningful conversations and got to fill my heart with new impressions and experiences.
To everybody out there who is struggling with their own personal demon: Don't let them hold you back. Jump from the ten-meter tower, even if it takes you a couple of times to bring up the courage, even if you rather let yourself fall into the depth instead of making a big leap. You will feel yourself grow with every jump you take!
Posts mit dem Label Inspiration werden angezeigt. Alle Posts anzeigen
Posts mit dem Label Inspiration werden angezeigt. Alle Posts anzeigen
4/01/2017
Why you should stop looking at what others made
The internet is a as much a treasure as it can be a curse.
YOU shape your own life and your own future, as much as anybody else shapes their future. It doesn't happen through looking at what everybody else is doing and comparing yourself desperatly with them. Which may even discourage you in a way that you don't want to do anything anymore because "Heck, you are never going to be that awesome illustrator when you are 24, because you are already 26....
Social media can be a good tool to be able connect with like mindes artists and build your own following, it can be pure evil when it comes to comparing your life with the ones of others.
You are never to old to do what makes you happy.
people who became famous at a later age:
Samuel Jackson has been a Hollywood staple for years now, but he'd had only bit parts before landing an award-winning role at age 43 in Spike Lee's film "Jungle Fever" in 1991.
Henry Ford was 45 when he created the revolutionary Model T car.
Charles Darwin spent most of his life as a naturalist who kept to himself, but at age 50 his "On the Origin of Species" changed the scientific community forever in 1859.
Julia Child is recognized for bringing French cuisine to the American public with her debut cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and her subsequent television programs, the most notable of which was The French Chef, which premiered in 1963.
Vera Wang left Ralph Lauren at 40 and became an independent bridal wear designer
J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in 1997.
Jon Hamm received his breakthrough role in 2007, when he was cast from more than 80 candidates as the protagonist character Don Draper, in AMC's drama series Mad Men.
And there are many more examples out there. So whenever you think "I'll never make it. I'm too old to still get what I want from life because others made it when they were younger than I am now!" Give that stupid voice in your head a good kickin'. It's just self doubt in another dress. Never turn down because you or anybody else think your are too old or too small or to young or to unknown or something else to do whatever it is you want to do.
Social media can be a good tool to be able connect with like mindes artists and build your own following, it can be pure evil when it comes to comparing your life with the ones of others.
people who became famous at a later age:
Samuel Jackson has been a Hollywood staple for years now, but he'd had only bit parts before landing an award-winning role at age 43 in Spike Lee's film "Jungle Fever" in 1991.
Henry Ford was 45 when he created the revolutionary Model T car.
Charles Darwin spent most of his life as a naturalist who kept to himself, but at age 50 his "On the Origin of Species" changed the scientific community forever in 1859.
Julia Child is recognized for bringing French cuisine to the American public with her debut cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking, and her subsequent television programs, the most notable of which was The French Chef, which premiered in 1963.
Vera Wang left Ralph Lauren at 40 and became an independent bridal wear designer
J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in 1997.
Jon Hamm received his breakthrough role in 2007, when he was cast from more than 80 candidates as the protagonist character Don Draper, in AMC's drama series Mad Men.
And there are many more examples out there. So whenever you think "I'll never make it. I'm too old to still get what I want from life because others made it when they were younger than I am now!" Give that stupid voice in your head a good kickin'. It's just self doubt in another dress. Never turn down because you or anybody else think your are too old or too small or to young or to unknown or something else to do whatever it is you want to do.
12/31/2016
2016 - Saying goodbye to a turbulent year
As most of those who read this, I tend to reflect the most at the end/beginning of a year. We arrange our binders in years and we tend to think chronologically. It's only natural to contemplate more about ups and downs when there is a big cut in that cultural logbook. It asks'what was before?' and 'What will come next?'
I sure as hell didn't write as much as I wanted to. Five blog posts are a measly amount of posts. There are two main reasons - though not excuses:
1) I was really really busy.
2) I am still scared that I have nothing new (or for that exciting) to add to the chorus of creators out there.
Number one is not a problem at all. It just made it obvious to me that I have to step up my game when it comes to my planning skills in the next years. But although I am a wee bit nervous, I also am confident that I will grow into a life with better planning.
Number two is a major issue. 2016 was a better year for me when it comes to social media and I learned a lot by watching how other develop their platforms and fandoms. At the same time I feel tension and hesitation when it comes to putting myself out there.
Why should anybody be interested in what I do? There is already so much stuff out there. Before the summer of 2016, I still had that idea of creating something nobody ever made before...
Which is ridiculous for two reasons.
On one hand I will never find a theme in a medium that nobody ever did think of before....but secondly...when I do it my way, just as it speaks to me, actually, nobody ever did do it like that before because there is nobody exactly like me out there. I'm still getting into this because this asks another "scary" action of myself. Getting in touch with myself and not feel like an egotistical, pretentious prick about it. I put "scary" in quotation marks because there is a shitload of really scary stuff out there in the world, like living in a war zone etc. That shows how relatively easy I feel stupid for getting too deep into own insignificant motifs why I do anything at all.
But there is another reason why I had a hard time convincing myself to write something. There already is so much stuff. Regularly I get overwhelmed by the amount of information waiting for me on social media. Sadly it works like a bag of crisps. You just can not stop until the bag is empty aka. until you read EVERYTHING that happened when you weren't online.
As much as social media can work as a tool for you it also works against you when you fledge from beginner to something more like a pro. Sometimes you need to check what is going on around you and sometimes - as I learned this year - you just have to turn it off. There is a point when you have to put theory into praxis and take a break from taking more stuff in. Letting your brain rest, create boredom to be able to be creative. Just as athletes have to take days off from torturing their muscles to give their muscles time to recover and grow. And then....you have to have balls... to stand out.
I sure as hell didn't write as much as I wanted to. Five blog posts are a measly amount of posts. There are two main reasons - though not excuses:
1) I was really really busy.
2) I am still scared that I have nothing new (or for that exciting) to add to the chorus of creators out there.
Why should anybody be interested in what I do? There is already so much stuff out there. Before the summer of 2016, I still had that idea of creating something nobody ever made before...
Which is ridiculous for two reasons.
On one hand I will never find a theme in a medium that nobody ever did think of before....but secondly...when I do it my way, just as it speaks to me, actually, nobody ever did do it like that before because there is nobody exactly like me out there. I'm still getting into this because this asks another "scary" action of myself. Getting in touch with myself and not feel like an egotistical, pretentious prick about it. I put "scary" in quotation marks because there is a shitload of really scary stuff out there in the world, like living in a war zone etc. That shows how relatively easy I feel stupid for getting too deep into own insignificant motifs why I do anything at all.
As much as social media can work as a tool for you it also works against you when you fledge from beginner to something more like a pro. Sometimes you need to check what is going on around you and sometimes - as I learned this year - you just have to turn it off. There is a point when you have to put theory into praxis and take a break from taking more stuff in. Letting your brain rest, create boredom to be able to be creative. Just as athletes have to take days off from torturing their muscles to give their muscles time to recover and grow. And then....you have to have balls... to stand out.
Just get out there and quit being afraid!
And with that I'll keep reflecting to myself right now and wish everybody a Happy New Year!
4/04/2016
About being in between and getting there
So you finished art school. You are not a beginner any more. Officially - for sure compared to someone who just pursues it as a hobby - you are now a professional. But you yourself feel far away from being as professional as you would like to be? You get commissions. But you are not producing the work you would love to produce?
Then you probably in the gloomy grounds of In-between. When you are still surrounded by the safe borders of art-school-country, In-between seems a country that is far away. You might even think “Yeah, but I will just pass through In-between to get the land of milk and honey were the professionals live and work”.
Then you cross the border and get 'professional' stamp in your passport. Before you can protest - “But I am not a real professional yet” - you get shoved out of the line. There you are in In-between. Just you, your pencil and a stamp in your passport that says that you are already that what you want to be, but seems too presumptuous to actually call yourself that.
Some things that happen in In-between are weird commissions. Things you would not do if you had the freedom (aka. money) to chose in that certain moment: “Sure I do logo design....” up to: “soooo.... you want me to illustrate that book in the style of that famous illustrator who wouldn't work for you because you don't want to pay them what they are worth?” up to just plainly getting laughed at by potential clients, because they assume you are filthy rich if actually anybody would pay you the rates you proposed to them. They didn't laugh at the phone. No, they wrote the laugh in an email (“Hahahahaha....”).
Luckily - at least some wise art-hermits told their followers - you won't spend the rest of your career in In-between. There are some lucky bastards who are able to board the train which goes directly from art-school-country to the promised land where thy pencil has never to be sharpened and thy Wacom nibs won't tear down nor scratch thy Wacom surface. The rest of us have to go through In-between. Sometimes for a longer time than you have thought or you would like to. But just try to enjoy the ride! To give your arty soul some fuel to speed your travels up a bit:
Stephen Silver - "DAMN IT!!! Follow Through"
Stephen Silver - What does hard work for artists mean?
Then you probably in the gloomy grounds of In-between. When you are still surrounded by the safe borders of art-school-country, In-between seems a country that is far away. You might even think “Yeah, but I will just pass through In-between to get the land of milk and honey were the professionals live and work”.
Then you cross the border and get 'professional' stamp in your passport. Before you can protest - “But I am not a real professional yet” - you get shoved out of the line. There you are in In-between. Just you, your pencil and a stamp in your passport that says that you are already that what you want to be, but seems too presumptuous to actually call yourself that.
Some things that happen in In-between are weird commissions. Things you would not do if you had the freedom (aka. money) to chose in that certain moment: “Sure I do logo design....” up to: “soooo.... you want me to illustrate that book in the style of that famous illustrator who wouldn't work for you because you don't want to pay them what they are worth?” up to just plainly getting laughed at by potential clients, because they assume you are filthy rich if actually anybody would pay you the rates you proposed to them. They didn't laugh at the phone. No, they wrote the laugh in an email (“Hahahahaha....”).
Luckily - at least some wise art-hermits told their followers - you won't spend the rest of your career in In-between. There are some lucky bastards who are able to board the train which goes directly from art-school-country to the promised land where thy pencil has never to be sharpened and thy Wacom nibs won't tear down nor scratch thy Wacom surface. The rest of us have to go through In-between. Sometimes for a longer time than you have thought or you would like to. But just try to enjoy the ride! To give your arty soul some fuel to speed your travels up a bit:
Stephen Silver - "DAMN IT!!! Follow Through"
Stephen Silver - What does hard work for artists mean?
3/31/2016
Confessions of an illustrator
Since I wrote about feeling insecure and doubting yourself I thought it maybe time to address how illustrators interact with other people. My view is of course mostly based on my own experiences, feedback by my creative friends and the illustrators/artists I've talked about these experiences. There are however exceptions, so don't think I'd allow myself to think ALL illustrators on this planet feel like this.
If you create art, you have to like spending time with yourself.
Some of us love to paint, draw or write. A big inspiration to write is the fact, that the stories you WOULD have wanted to read, are not out there yet. That's why you write them. Same goes for painting/drawing. The fact that you would rather write/draw/paint than....lets see, go to a bigass party or go rock-climbing or go hiking for days or be a marathon-runner. You write/draw/paint because you feel like it is the best thing to do with your life.
If you paint or draw and pursue it as a professional career it is because you really like doing that. You like making art so much, that you even do it although it can be hard and frustrating at times. In art school I had a time that I got so frustrated by my teachers and assignments, that a friend of mine said 'I don't get it. If you hate making art so much, why don't you stop!?' Fellow artists know what I mean when I told him 'I could never ever do that!!'
Most creatives live in a bubble. It can be hard to grasp why you do what you do for people outside of this bubble. Especially friends and family who have a normal day job have a hard time to understand working freelance, let alone working as a creative freelancer. Sometimes there will be days (or weeks) when things go slow. You finally have a lot of time to work on your personal projects or your website OR to tend to some other things (spring cleaning the house). And then there will be the crazy times, working several client jobs at once, calling non-stop, sending out emails non-stop, being stuck to your phone because you wait for important calls, short nights and ordering take away because you just don't feel like cooking on top of everything else. Sometimes it even means working through the weekend or holidays. Sometimes you will have to cancel a night out with friends because this commission is juicy but sadly has to be done in 2 days (in editorial it's even shorter). Sometimes friends don't understand because 'Your client just can not ask of you to work those crazy times!!? Right!?'
This is only part of it. Living a modest life, so that you don't get into trouble when a client drops you, or working a day job next to your profession are other parts people tend to forget. Not taking part in sports or activities that might endanger your hand/arms/eyes is another consequence of wrapping your life around the fact that you make art. Instead of pursuing these'dangerous activities' you do boring exercises against the inflictions of working as an illustrator.
And although this might sound horrible or weird to some and although others might not understand why you go through with all this when you could just have a normal nine to five job and enjoy holidays and nights/weekends off, you still just LOVE what you do. More than regular work times, more than weekends off, more than being outdoorsy, more than a sport you would like to pursue but is too dangerous for your hands.
(That's me being outdoorsy....)
If you create art, you have to like spending time with yourself.
Some of us love to paint, draw or write. A big inspiration to write is the fact, that the stories you WOULD have wanted to read, are not out there yet. That's why you write them. Same goes for painting/drawing. The fact that you would rather write/draw/paint than....lets see, go to a big
If you paint or draw and pursue it as a professional career it is because you really like doing that. You like making art so much, that you even do it although it can be hard and frustrating at times. In art school I had a time that I got so frustrated by my teachers and assignments, that a friend of mine said 'I don't get it. If you hate making art so much, why don't you stop!?' Fellow artists know what I mean when I told him 'I could never ever do that!!'
Most creatives live in a bubble. It can be hard to grasp why you do what you do for people outside of this bubble. Especially friends and family who have a normal day job have a hard time to understand working freelance, let alone working as a creative freelancer. Sometimes there will be days (or weeks) when things go slow. You finally have a lot of time to work on your personal projects or your website OR to tend to some other things (spring cleaning the house). And then there will be the crazy times, working several client jobs at once, calling non-stop, sending out emails non-stop, being stuck to your phone because you wait for important calls, short nights and ordering take away because you just don't feel like cooking on top of everything else. Sometimes it even means working through the weekend or holidays. Sometimes you will have to cancel a night out with friends because this commission is juicy but sadly has to be done in 2 days (in editorial it's even shorter). Sometimes friends don't understand because 'Your client just can not ask of you to work those crazy times!!? Right!?'
This is only part of it. Living a modest life, so that you don't get into trouble when a client drops you, or working a day job next to your profession are other parts people tend to forget. Not taking part in sports or activities that might endanger your hand/arms/eyes is another consequence of wrapping your life around the fact that you make art. Instead of pursuing these'dangerous activities' you do boring exercises against the inflictions of working as an illustrator.
And although this might sound horrible or weird to some and although others might not understand why you go through with all this when you could just have a normal nine to five job and enjoy holidays and nights/weekends off, you still just LOVE what you do. More than regular work times, more than weekends off, more than being outdoorsy, more than a sport you would like to pursue but is too dangerous for your hands.
(That's me being outdoorsy....)
2/25/2016
A lifetime friend - S. Doubt
Everybody has that special friend. For some of you this friend is a big part of your life. Spending waaaayyy too much time with him. Sometimes he starts to creep you out because he just seems to know which are the nights you can't sleep and pops up to keep you company. Some of your other friends don't like him so much. They give you advice, that you don't really need him, that he is just dragging you down, making you feel bad about yourself and that the friendship, you two have, is more of an abusive relationship. But there are other friends who introduced you two by giving well meant advice about what to do differently in your life.
Self Doubt:
noun
1. Lack of confidence in the reliability of one's own motives, personality, thought, etc.
Everybody knows him. Even if you don't belief me because the CEO of a big company can't possibly be uncertain about his business, or the doctor who helped you so confidently in the hospital, or the bus driver who is nice to everyone, or the kind primary school teacher or....
Of course they all have their own Self Doubt. Some are greeted by him in their homes where nobody else waits on them, but him. Some run into him when they least expect it (mostly at nice dinners with a group of friends) and he just sits there, whispering in their ear that everybody else is doing better. Some sleep next to him and he gets up with them, when they are going to make coffee, following them around for the rest of the day. Self Doubt is a good friend, always there when he thinks you need him. Right?
Since Self Doubt is not someone to chase away easily maybe it is a solution to embosom him? Use your relationship to get an insight in your way of working, to get an insight into why you would react as you do. Spar with Self Doubt:
Why are you scared to talk in front of a crowd? What is the worst that can happen? Make Self Doubt clear although he tries to convince you that you will drop dead the moment you mispronounce a word, move weirdly or if you lose your thread, that it won't happen. You won't drop dead. People won't point their fingers. Hack, most people won't even notice and even if they did, they will forget about it.
If you are scared you could mess something up just think about how it could impact your life a month, a year, five years from now. Think about moments when you doubted yourself because of something embarrassing that happened in the past and if anybody now (besides yourself) still cares about it. It will show you how your anxiety fuelled imagination differs from reality. It will put Self Doubt in his place.
Or another example: Why do people give you advice how to do things in your life? Most of them mean well. They want to help you to go down the right path. The problem is that everyone - especially in the creative business - has their own path. There is no recipe to success. Why does Self Doubt show up, when you get that well meant advice? Does he whisper: “They think you are doing it wrong! Everything will be better, if you would just follow their advice.” Do you get confused or angry because you start to doubt yourself after getting that advice? Or because you get the feeling that maybe your friends or family doubt you because they think your life needs some tweaking in the right direction?
They probably just feel that you are not quite there yet. Not there where you want to be, or where they want you to be. Doing well and leading an independent, self sustained and happy/prosperous life. As soon as you realize that most comments about how to do things, are - although not very thoughtful - meant to help you. Self Doubt will not be able to use these comments in his advantage.
These are just two examples how to deal with Self Doubt or one of his friends and family (...auntie anxiety anyone?). Don't ponder too much and confront your Self Doubt why he showed up in that specific moment. It can show you that people want to help you with their advice because they feel your dissatisfaction that you are not yet where or who you want to be. And when you ask him "But I am not that unhappy!? I know it takes time to get where I want to go. I know there is no shortcut. Hack, maybe I never arrive. But that is no reason for you to spoil my ride!"
So F*** you Self Doubt!
Self Doubt:
noun
1. Lack of confidence in the reliability of one's own motives, personality, thought, etc.
Everybody knows him. Even if you don't belief me because the CEO of a big company can't possibly be uncertain about his business, or the doctor who helped you so confidently in the hospital, or the bus driver who is nice to everyone, or the kind primary school teacher or....
Of course they all have their own Self Doubt. Some are greeted by him in their homes where nobody else waits on them, but him. Some run into him when they least expect it (mostly at nice dinners with a group of friends) and he just sits there, whispering in their ear that everybody else is doing better. Some sleep next to him and he gets up with them, when they are going to make coffee, following them around for the rest of the day. Self Doubt is a good friend, always there when he thinks you need him. Right?
Since Self Doubt is not someone to chase away easily maybe it is a solution to embosom him? Use your relationship to get an insight in your way of working, to get an insight into why you would react as you do. Spar with Self Doubt:
Why are you scared to talk in front of a crowd? What is the worst that can happen? Make Self Doubt clear although he tries to convince you that you will drop dead the moment you mispronounce a word, move weirdly or if you lose your thread, that it won't happen. You won't drop dead. People won't point their fingers. Hack, most people won't even notice and even if they did, they will forget about it.
If you are scared you could mess something up just think about how it could impact your life a month, a year, five years from now. Think about moments when you doubted yourself because of something embarrassing that happened in the past and if anybody now (besides yourself) still cares about it. It will show you how your anxiety fuelled imagination differs from reality. It will put Self Doubt in his place.
Or another example: Why do people give you advice how to do things in your life? Most of them mean well. They want to help you to go down the right path. The problem is that everyone - especially in the creative business - has their own path. There is no recipe to success. Why does Self Doubt show up, when you get that well meant advice? Does he whisper: “They think you are doing it wrong! Everything will be better, if you would just follow their advice.” Do you get confused or angry because you start to doubt yourself after getting that advice? Or because you get the feeling that maybe your friends or family doubt you because they think your life needs some tweaking in the right direction?
They probably just feel that you are not quite there yet. Not there where you want to be, or where they want you to be. Doing well and leading an independent, self sustained and happy/prosperous life. As soon as you realize that most comments about how to do things, are - although not very thoughtful - meant to help you. Self Doubt will not be able to use these comments in his advantage.
These are just two examples how to deal with Self Doubt or one of his friends and family (...auntie anxiety anyone?). Don't ponder too much and confront your Self Doubt why he showed up in that specific moment. It can show you that people want to help you with their advice because they feel your dissatisfaction that you are not yet where or who you want to be. And when you ask him "But I am not that unhappy!? I know it takes time to get where I want to go. I know there is no shortcut. Hack, maybe I never arrive. But that is no reason for you to spoil my ride!"
So F*** you Self Doubt!
1/02/2016
Something old and something new.....
So.....its this special time again...
In the neighbourhood I live and work in it is impossible to miss that the end of the year is close. The frequency of early fireworks (although illegal before New Year's Eve) increases with every passing day in December.
With every pop of firework outside my window I get more conscious about this yearly fix point in time. Unintentionally I start to reflect about the ending year and to ponder about the beginning year. What happened? What were the good things? What were the not so good things? Would I do something differently with the knowledge I have now? How will these things change my behaviour in 2016?
At the end of 2015 I followed some good advice from Vanessa Lemen and Laura Panepinto from Muddy Colors.
"Your art as your voice and mirror" by Vanessa Lemen is a more reflective post and helps to get a new, different view on your art/your life. By looking back on what made an impact on you in 2015 helps you to determine what was/is very important. Writing it down and reading it again after some time gives you a clearer image of events. At the same time you will be challenged to ask yourself some questions to get a totally different view on things.
"How to Get What You Want: Know What You Want" by Laura Panepinto is not only for 'New Year's Resolutions' but you can use this throughout the whole year. It is a good method to concretize your goals. On the one hand will you end up with some workable ambitions (e.g. blog once a week/start an instagram) in contrast to a vague goal (e.g. have more online followers). On the other hand you will get a clear picture what is really important and what is not as important as you always thought it would be.
A third method to end the year on a high note and start the new year very motivated is my 'happy jar'.
I write down all the little and big things that made me happy in at some point and put them in that jar. Each year a new glass. I started this new tradition in 2013 because I tend to lose track of all the things I did or experienced and always feel disappointed when a year ends because I wasn't able to fulfil everything I intended to fulfil - or even if I did everything I intended to do - I still think I could have done more or could have done these things better....
At the end of the year I open that jar... and I get a warm fuzzy feeling that this year wasn't so bad after all ;).
All in all 2015 was a good year. Probably even a very good year! My very first year of working full time as an illustrator and I can't say it was a bad first year!
Taking part in competitions was a big part and although I took part in about 10 bigger competitions/judged annuals/judged exhibitions I won one of them and got into two exhibitions.
Through that I got to know some awesome artists and I hope that I will be just as successful as they are, enjoying my wonderful job together with my loved ones. I got to travel and went on holiday for the first time in 8 years! I grew a shit load of vegetables on my 100m² allotment garden, learned to crochet and to knit...and started a new secret hobby which will stay secret so that nobody can ask me to show them how good I got. Something that I greedily keep to myself, hrhr.
Happy new year to everyone out there. May 2016 be a magical year!
In the neighbourhood I live and work in it is impossible to miss that the end of the year is close. The frequency of early fireworks (although illegal before New Year's Eve) increases with every passing day in December.
With every pop of firework outside my window I get more conscious about this yearly fix point in time. Unintentionally I start to reflect about the ending year and to ponder about the beginning year. What happened? What were the good things? What were the not so good things? Would I do something differently with the knowledge I have now? How will these things change my behaviour in 2016?
At the end of 2015 I followed some good advice from Vanessa Lemen and Laura Panepinto from Muddy Colors.
"Your art as your voice and mirror" by Vanessa Lemen is a more reflective post and helps to get a new, different view on your art/your life. By looking back on what made an impact on you in 2015 helps you to determine what was/is very important. Writing it down and reading it again after some time gives you a clearer image of events. At the same time you will be challenged to ask yourself some questions to get a totally different view on things.
"How to Get What You Want: Know What You Want" by Laura Panepinto is not only for 'New Year's Resolutions' but you can use this throughout the whole year. It is a good method to concretize your goals. On the one hand will you end up with some workable ambitions (e.g. blog once a week/start an instagram) in contrast to a vague goal (e.g. have more online followers). On the other hand you will get a clear picture what is really important and what is not as important as you always thought it would be.
A third method to end the year on a high note and start the new year very motivated is my 'happy jar'.
At the end of the year I open that jar... and I get a warm fuzzy feeling that this year wasn't so bad after all ;).
All in all 2015 was a good year. Probably even a very good year! My very first year of working full time as an illustrator and I can't say it was a bad first year!
Through that I got to know some awesome artists and I hope that I will be just as successful as they are, enjoying my wonderful job together with my loved ones. I got to travel and went on holiday for the first time in 8 years! I grew a shit load of vegetables on my 100m² allotment garden, learned to crochet and to knit...and started a new secret hobby which will stay secret so that nobody can ask me to show them how good I got. Something that I greedily keep to myself, hrhr.
Happy new year to everyone out there. May 2016 be a magical year!
12/21/2015
One day out with the fraud police
So in the last post I told you about the infamous fraud police. These guys existed probably ever since the first being decided to paint on the wall of a cave. But they got their name by Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer. If anyone knows anyone else who gave that particular feeling a name before, let me know in the comments!
One thing is for sure, anyone in the arts and other occupations experienced the fraud police. Some people hear them knocking, some people live in the constant fear that the fraud police will show up in the form of nagging fans, friends or family, while others have wild nightmares of officers coming to their door (with clipboards) and explaining "We found you out and it is time for you to get a real job."
In my last blog post I wrote about my very own, personal fraud police incident. After inviting them in and having hot chocolate/tea with them, we decided that we can get along. That they wouldn't report me to the non-existent fraud ministry. That I would work on my constant fear of them. That I would work on my relation with self doubt and that we would have dinner some day and maybe even visit the zoo or go for a walk in the park, if the weather is nice.
One part of this relation-therapy between them and me is keeping a journal/sketchbook/diary. These three things can be one book. When J.A.W. Cooper talked about this special sketchbook on One Fantastic Week, I immediately knew that this was the help I was looking for. Something to help myself, since nobody can make the fraud police go away by snapping his/her finger. When I was in London, I got out my crappy sketchbook/travelling journal and started analysing what I liked around me and why I liked it. It helped. I'm not there yet, but it is a start. It is like getting to know someone, slowly, because you don't want to spoil all the surprising moments when you feel a connection falling into place. The "We are friends, maybe great friends and maybe even more than that, as long as we don't spoil it by moving to fast"- kind of getting to know each other. So ... that is where I am right now. While trying to figure out, how to cope with self doubt and the fraud police (who, nice as they are, let me know that fear of failing feels left out, although he did just exactly what they did a while ago) I figured that constantly looking at everything that everybody else does and works on, is not the best thing to do. Right now it is time to figure out how I can reach common ground with all my fears. (okay, not all my fears....haha)
One thing is for sure, anyone in the arts and other occupations experienced the fraud police. Some people hear them knocking, some people live in the constant fear that the fraud police will show up in the form of nagging fans, friends or family, while others have wild nightmares of officers coming to their door (with clipboards) and explaining "We found you out and it is time for you to get a real job."
In my last blog post I wrote about my very own, personal fraud police incident. After inviting them in and having hot chocolate/tea with them, we decided that we can get along. That they wouldn't report me to the non-existent fraud ministry. That I would work on my constant fear of them. That I would work on my relation with self doubt and that we would have dinner some day and maybe even visit the zoo or go for a walk in the park, if the weather is nice.
One part of this relation-therapy between them and me is keeping a journal/sketchbook/diary. These three things can be one book. When J.A.W. Cooper talked about this special sketchbook on One Fantastic Week, I immediately knew that this was the help I was looking for. Something to help myself, since nobody can make the fraud police go away by snapping his/her finger. When I was in London, I got out my crappy sketchbook/travelling journal and started analysing what I liked around me and why I liked it. It helped. I'm not there yet, but it is a start. It is like getting to know someone, slowly, because you don't want to spoil all the surprising moments when you feel a connection falling into place. The "We are friends, maybe great friends and maybe even more than that, as long as we don't spoil it by moving to fast"- kind of getting to know each other. So ... that is where I am right now. While trying to figure out, how to cope with self doubt and the fraud police (who, nice as they are, let me know that fear of failing feels left out, although he did just exactly what they did a while ago) I figured that constantly looking at everything that everybody else does and works on, is not the best thing to do. Right now it is time to figure out how I can reach common ground with all my fears. (okay, not all my fears....haha)
11/08/2015
Self doubt and the fraud police stay for tea
First: Every time I write a blog post I adopt a resolution to post regularly again! Sadly, grown up life (especially grown up life of a freelance illustrator) will teach you what is a priority and what is not.
Second: I not only made it into the World Illustration Awards exhibition, but won the New Talent Award in the category Research and Knowledge Communication. Yay!! Last month I was able to attend the private view night and it was great! I got to know so many new and great people/artists (check out: Aad Goudappel, Pieter van Eenoge, Nata Joh, João Fazenda) and enjoyed a few days in London.
And finally third: Why I didn't write as much as I wanted to is, that over the past few months I have been stuck. Stuck is not the right word, though. Lost comes close, but so does bewildered, stunned, disoriented.... and weirdly enough: shipwrecked.
One thing you have to know about me is this: I make plans. Like communist countries. I make 5 year plans. Sometimes I will make 3 year plans....or rather: I make ONE 5 year plan with sub-distributions. I think about what I want to achieve in these years and how to achieve it. Then the goals get set. Most of the time (just as in communist countries) those 5 year plans don't work out. That's okay. Just let me get out my 5-year-plan-paper and let's make a new 5 year plan!
Then I finished my MA and I made - what else - a plan. First I would work on getting settled in. Taking part in competitions, then I sent out my portfolio, got my first clients, invested the money in my business, took part in some more competitions, sent out a second batch of portfolios, got some more clients, signed my first NDA's, won my first important prize....
At tat point I started to think "Okay, that is how settling in feels like!" And it felt okay - kind of. Not only was the fraud police knocking at the - or rather trying to knock down the door with a battering ram - of my confidence castle. It also occurred to me that something felt odd. Wasn't there a constant knocking coming from the other side of the hallway? While seeing the front door bending under the pressure of the fraud police, self doubt came knocking at the backdoor. "What are you doing?" I heard him howling. "Which kind of illustrator do you want to be?" He whispered when I came closer. That was the moment I faltered.
It didn't hit me like lightening. It was more like a game of chicken. But then with myself in both cars - or rather, since I don't drive - on both bikes. You see them coming but you think "They will give way." After a few moments: "It does look like we are going to crash - but we won't!!" There were many reasons why my other me, with self doubt sitting on the carrier, would have to give way. "I just have to get settled in. Then this weird feeling will go away.", "If I have enough client work, this weird feeling will go away.", "If I get credit in form of getting in exhibitions and competitions, this weird feeling will go away."
Naturally it didn't go away. So, I got of my bike, left it there and barricaded myself in confidence castle and .... pondered.
Why did something feel off?? I know what I can and can't do and I have a 5 year plan. That couldn't be the reason why self doubt was still sticking around. (For the record: Self doubt always sticks around, because you will never feel good enough, but it is like a self-doubt-chihuahua. With a tendency to be neurotic and sometimes nasty but certainly manageable.) While I had barricaded myself in the castle of confidence (or now rather contemplation!?), life went on, until my self doubt came knocking, until I heard him hissing the particular question through the cracks...
Other professionals define it as 'finding your voice'. What is it, that you as an illustrator want to express to the world!? What is it, that excites you, moves you to tears, frustrates you, makes you angry!? What is it, that you want to show everyone!? And Why!? Because it is such a vital component in the cogs of this vast world? Or because it is not important at all, but oh so wondrous? Because there is delicacy even in disfigurement, defects and all the flaws? Or maybe because it is the other way around? Maybe because occasionally beauty will break your heart...and more often all the ugliness and monstrousness of the world will break it in a whole other way....
So... I opened the door and invited self doubt in. Then I went to the front door, made it clear that I will open for the fraud police and that they please not knock me over. While I unlocked the door, I picked up some mumbling 'that's a new one' (I think officer #1) 'yeah, in most cases they reinforce the doors....' (officer#2) 'exactly! Or we knock the door down'(officer#1)....*agreeing mumbling*.... and self doubt watched me....doubtfully...
And there we were. Actually, the officers of the fraud police were not as frightening as I thought they would be. Two small, goofy looking blobby figures with police hats and clipboards. They did their best to look stern though. But - risking they would report me to the frau-by-artists-ministry - I invited them in and made some hot chocolate and a chamomile tea for officer #2. Then we talked for a long time....
Second: I not only made it into the World Illustration Awards exhibition, but won the New Talent Award in the category Research and Knowledge Communication. Yay!! Last month I was able to attend the private view night and it was great! I got to know so many new and great people/artists (check out: Aad Goudappel, Pieter van Eenoge, Nata Joh, João Fazenda) and enjoyed a few days in London.
And finally third: Why I didn't write as much as I wanted to is, that over the past few months I have been stuck. Stuck is not the right word, though. Lost comes close, but so does bewildered, stunned, disoriented.... and weirdly enough: shipwrecked.
One thing you have to know about me is this: I make plans. Like communist countries. I make 5 year plans. Sometimes I will make 3 year plans....or rather: I make ONE 5 year plan with sub-distributions. I think about what I want to achieve in these years and how to achieve it. Then the goals get set. Most of the time (just as in communist countries) those 5 year plans don't work out. That's okay. Just let me get out my 5-year-plan-paper and let's make a new 5 year plan!
Then I finished my MA and I made - what else - a plan. First I would work on getting settled in. Taking part in competitions, then I sent out my portfolio, got my first clients, invested the money in my business, took part in some more competitions, sent out a second batch of portfolios, got some more clients, signed my first NDA's, won my first important prize....
At tat point I started to think "Okay, that is how settling in feels like!" And it felt okay - kind of. Not only was the fraud police knocking at the - or rather trying to knock down the door with a battering ram - of my confidence castle. It also occurred to me that something felt odd. Wasn't there a constant knocking coming from the other side of the hallway? While seeing the front door bending under the pressure of the fraud police, self doubt came knocking at the backdoor. "What are you doing?" I heard him howling. "Which kind of illustrator do you want to be?" He whispered when I came closer. That was the moment I faltered.
It didn't hit me like lightening. It was more like a game of chicken. But then with myself in both cars - or rather, since I don't drive - on both bikes. You see them coming but you think "They will give way." After a few moments: "It does look like we are going to crash - but we won't!!" There were many reasons why my other me, with self doubt sitting on the carrier, would have to give way. "I just have to get settled in. Then this weird feeling will go away.", "If I have enough client work, this weird feeling will go away.", "If I get credit in form of getting in exhibitions and competitions, this weird feeling will go away."
Naturally it didn't go away. So, I got of my bike, left it there and barricaded myself in confidence castle and .... pondered.
Why did something feel off?? I know what I can and can't do and I have a 5 year plan. That couldn't be the reason why self doubt was still sticking around. (For the record: Self doubt always sticks around, because you will never feel good enough, but it is like a self-doubt-chihuahua. With a tendency to be neurotic and sometimes nasty but certainly manageable.) While I had barricaded myself in the castle of confidence (or now rather contemplation!?), life went on, until my self doubt came knocking, until I heard him hissing the particular question through the cracks...
Other professionals define it as 'finding your voice'. What is it, that you as an illustrator want to express to the world!? What is it, that excites you, moves you to tears, frustrates you, makes you angry!? What is it, that you want to show everyone!? And Why!? Because it is such a vital component in the cogs of this vast world? Or because it is not important at all, but oh so wondrous? Because there is delicacy even in disfigurement, defects and all the flaws? Or maybe because it is the other way around? Maybe because occasionally beauty will break your heart...and more often all the ugliness and monstrousness of the world will break it in a whole other way....
So... I opened the door and invited self doubt in. Then I went to the front door, made it clear that I will open for the fraud police and that they please not knock me over. While I unlocked the door, I picked up some mumbling 'that's a new one' (I think officer #1) 'yeah, in most cases they reinforce the doors....' (officer#2) 'exactly! Or we knock the door down'(officer#1)....*agreeing mumbling*.... and self doubt watched me....doubtfully...
And there we were. Actually, the officers of the fraud police were not as frightening as I thought they would be. Two small, goofy looking blobby figures with police hats and clipboards. They did their best to look stern though. But - risking they would report me to the frau-by-artists-ministry - I invited them in and made some hot chocolate and a chamomile tea for officer #2. Then we talked for a long time....
2/28/2015
About being scared and feeling safe
Maybe too safe...
Concentrating mainly on developing my skills I feel as if I had lost the connection to the concept part of being an illustrator. But everybody around me told me last year: "It's normal to feel of. You have been a student for 7 years and now being out there in the real world feels weird and it frightens you." and "You had a very stressful time with your final project and it's normal to feel awkward and feel like you don't fit in."
But my real problem was that I had the feeling that I lost my mojo. Okay, I can draw well on good drawing days, but to be an illustrator you have to have more skills than that. The past weeks I talked with a couple of other freelancers and...of course everybody has some issues (for example the imposter syndrome) but the best advise was: "Just let it go. Don't stress too much about it and have fun!"
That was when I remembered something from my first year in art academy. After a few months, I finally managed to make a decent painting of a still life. Everything was in balance and when my teacher asked me (when we had evaluation) which painting I liked the best I proudly pointed to it and said: "This one, because it feels like someone professional painted it." And he said "Okay. Your next assignment is to let it got. Take that painting and make something different with it. Paint over it or rip it up, cut it up and make a collage." Of course I got upset. I felt cheated. Being proud of it was going to be the reason why I had to destroy it. That is why I refused and was ready to get a bad grade for the next assignment. But then he said: "Why are you so upset? It's just a painting. You are going to make a lot of paintings. You have to learn to let it go. You are scared right now to let it go. Don't be scared. You can't be dragged down by that one good painting. You have to learn to dare to make something great, let it go and make something new, which may or may not be as good. Don't hold on to it because you will get scared of making something new, because it might not be as good as your last piece." He looked at my stubborn expression. "But I can't force you to do it. The only thing is that you are scared of letting that painting go and I think you should not be scared by that."
It took me a few days before his message came through and I felt kinda stupid about my childish behaviour...
And now, thinking of these words again, I noticed that I am very scared. Not only of being a freelance illustrator, projects and clients but also about making non-scientific/non-realistic drawings. Let's be honest. I like to draw realistic. I like to draw birds. It keeps the skills I learned in my masters programme alive. But I want more and just don't dare to let it go. To take the risk and maybe create very crappy illustrations at first because I don't know what I want or how to do it. Being scared that they will look worse than the scientific/realistic stuff I make....
But I have to let it go!
PS: I finished the blue heron:
Sketch as I posted it in "A new year begins".
Finished illustration. (Drawing birds calmes me down! :D)
Concentrating mainly on developing my skills I feel as if I had lost the connection to the concept part of being an illustrator. But everybody around me told me last year: "It's normal to feel of. You have been a student for 7 years and now being out there in the real world feels weird and it frightens you." and "You had a very stressful time with your final project and it's normal to feel awkward and feel like you don't fit in."
But my real problem was that I had the feeling that I lost my mojo. Okay, I can draw well on good drawing days, but to be an illustrator you have to have more skills than that. The past weeks I talked with a couple of other freelancers and...of course everybody has some issues (for example the imposter syndrome) but the best advise was: "Just let it go. Don't stress too much about it and have fun!"
That was when I remembered something from my first year in art academy. After a few months, I finally managed to make a decent painting of a still life. Everything was in balance and when my teacher asked me (when we had evaluation) which painting I liked the best I proudly pointed to it and said: "This one, because it feels like someone professional painted it." And he said "Okay. Your next assignment is to let it got. Take that painting and make something different with it. Paint over it or rip it up, cut it up and make a collage." Of course I got upset. I felt cheated. Being proud of it was going to be the reason why I had to destroy it. That is why I refused and was ready to get a bad grade for the next assignment. But then he said: "Why are you so upset? It's just a painting. You are going to make a lot of paintings. You have to learn to let it go. You are scared right now to let it go. Don't be scared. You can't be dragged down by that one good painting. You have to learn to dare to make something great, let it go and make something new, which may or may not be as good. Don't hold on to it because you will get scared of making something new, because it might not be as good as your last piece." He looked at my stubborn expression. "But I can't force you to do it. The only thing is that you are scared of letting that painting go and I think you should not be scared by that."
It took me a few days before his message came through and I felt kinda stupid about my childish behaviour...
And now, thinking of these words again, I noticed that I am very scared. Not only of being a freelance illustrator, projects and clients but also about making non-scientific/non-realistic drawings. Let's be honest. I like to draw realistic. I like to draw birds. It keeps the skills I learned in my masters programme alive. But I want more and just don't dare to let it go. To take the risk and maybe create very crappy illustrations at first because I don't know what I want or how to do it. Being scared that they will look worse than the scientific/realistic stuff I make....
But I have to let it go!
PS: I finished the blue heron:
Sketch as I posted it in "A new year begins".
Finished illustration. (Drawing birds calmes me down! :D)
1/28/2015
How to stay motivated
As you can see I try to keep one of my new years resolutions - blogging more - up and running. But not just that. So far I mostly posted or blogged about my illustrations. But today I wanted to talk about artist talks, streams, blogs, podcasts, interviews etc. I read many blogs, listen to and watch artists talks, motivational videos and livestreams. The reason is not just to learn how to illustrate better, but also to master the creative business and sometimes...to hear that others were/are struggling as well, having the same problems. Being an illustrator can get lonely. As an illustrator most of the time you work alone and a lot of the people you feel connected to don't live in walking distance. Listening to streams while working gives me a big motivational push to work through the frustration you sometimes get from working alone all the time.
In the last post I talked about having a good mindset and being in a good place to make (good) illustrations. One of the things helping me through tough illustrating times are these mentioned blogs and artist talks. That's why I want to list up some motivating and helpful resources I mentally lean on many times (and many times to come).
Muddy Colors a 'fantasy art collective' with Dan dos Santos, Donato Giancola, David Palumbo, Terryl Whitlatch and many amazing artists as authors. They cover many fields. E.g. explaining steps of their own illustrations up to FAQ's and tips how to enter certain competitions.
Chiustream by Bobby Chiu in which he regularly discusses a variety of topics about becoming an illustrator and working as one (with many motivational tips). You can stay up to date via his facebook page: Bobby Chiu Art
One Fantastic Week with Samuel Flegal and Peter Mohrbacher is a weekly web show in which they talk about art, illustration and the business side of it. Often they invite fellow illustrators with a long career in this field and ask them about how they got there. They are also going to do a workshop called 'One Fantastic Weekend'!! Check it out!
The blog and streams listed above are happening on a regular basis, but there are also some good interviews out there. If you like a certain artist or illustrator you should follow him/ her on social media, because you never know when one of these gems pops up. In the last weeks many interviews with one of my favourite illustrators, Karla Ortiz, were published:
This is a podcast by Synstudio:Podcast Karla Ortiz
and another interview by Creative Trek with Sean Daniels: Importance of balancing art and life
and a third by Bobby Chiu for Schoolism: Karla Ortiz for Schoolism
and a while back Dave Rapoza and Daniel Warren (you may know them from Crimson Daggers) had a freelance talk (what you would now call a hangout I guess) about being 'in the middle'. The weird point in your career when you aren't a newbie any more, but also didn't reach the point to be one of the great (and with great I don't just mean good, but rather that your name stands for your style and that you are known for your work) illustrators yet: Getting through the middle
There are more interviews I listened to over the last years, but the listed sources give you a wide variety of themes.
Next to these digital resources I have one big not-digital resource of motivation: Nature! Sitting inside, working with the computer, drawing (hunched over my table) can get hard. A good walk or working in my garden (particularly in summer) always gives my a good energy boost and is a good balance to my illustrating work.
In the last post I talked about having a good mindset and being in a good place to make (good) illustrations. One of the things helping me through tough illustrating times are these mentioned blogs and artist talks. That's why I want to list up some motivating and helpful resources I mentally lean on many times (and many times to come).
Muddy Colors a 'fantasy art collective' with Dan dos Santos, Donato Giancola, David Palumbo, Terryl Whitlatch and many amazing artists as authors. They cover many fields. E.g. explaining steps of their own illustrations up to FAQ's and tips how to enter certain competitions.
Chiustream by Bobby Chiu in which he regularly discusses a variety of topics about becoming an illustrator and working as one (with many motivational tips). You can stay up to date via his facebook page: Bobby Chiu Art
One Fantastic Week with Samuel Flegal and Peter Mohrbacher is a weekly web show in which they talk about art, illustration and the business side of it. Often they invite fellow illustrators with a long career in this field and ask them about how they got there. They are also going to do a workshop called 'One Fantastic Weekend'!! Check it out!
The blog and streams listed above are happening on a regular basis, but there are also some good interviews out there. If you like a certain artist or illustrator you should follow him/ her on social media, because you never know when one of these gems pops up. In the last weeks many interviews with one of my favourite illustrators, Karla Ortiz, were published:
This is a podcast by Synstudio:Podcast Karla Ortiz
and another interview by Creative Trek with Sean Daniels: Importance of balancing art and life
and a third by Bobby Chiu for Schoolism: Karla Ortiz for Schoolism
and a while back Dave Rapoza and Daniel Warren (you may know them from Crimson Daggers) had a freelance talk (what you would now call a hangout I guess) about being 'in the middle'. The weird point in your career when you aren't a newbie any more, but also didn't reach the point to be one of the great (and with great I don't just mean good, but rather that your name stands for your style and that you are known for your work) illustrators yet: Getting through the middle
There are more interviews I listened to over the last years, but the listed sources give you a wide variety of themes.
Next to these digital resources I have one big not-digital resource of motivation: Nature! Sitting inside, working with the computer, drawing (hunched over my table) can get hard. A good walk or working in my garden (particularly in summer) always gives my a good energy boost and is a good balance to my illustrating work.
1/12/2015
A new year begins
...or...has...nearly two weeks ago. Everybody knows how time just seems to run through your fingers, right?
In the last post I told you guys about my 'Happiness jar'. It is not just there to end my year in a good mood, but also to start the new year in a good mood too.
Of course there are the new year resolutions...BUT if you think 'Oh my, what a failure the last year was - I hope this new year is finally going to change some things' or 'I HAVE to work harder/more/get better, because last year was so terrible' it already puts you in a negative state of mind. I confess I am quite a negative person myself. The glas is mostly half empty and not half full. There is always this catastrophic chain of events in the back of my head of what COULD happen... although nothing has happened yet and nothing will happen and even IF something is going to happen...it is certainly not as bad as my imagination makes me believe.
For me it is very important to be positive. That's when I make good illustrations. That's when I will end up 'in the zone' while illustrating. Otherwise, I will not finish anything. There is always something to change, always something to do better and I didn't even start about taking big decisions. When you are in a negative place, you restrict yourself. You tend to be more aware of bad strokes and every tiny little 'mistake' is a failure. In the end you get so frustrated that you want to give up on this illustration. Maybe you don't even want to be an artist or an illustrator in that moment. Maybe you start to think 'All this is not for me, not when it is so hard to do it.' This is restricting, being to aware of what you are doing.
In my case, when I start with a positive mindset and I make a 'mistake' - or a happy little accident, as Bob Ross would call it - I just let it go. Maybe that stroke is not as you wanted, but let's see where I go from there. In the end it maybe fits in better than you thought. If it is really heading a direction I am not comfortable with, I just get a new piece of paper and start again, take the parts of the illustration I do like and then go on from there. Nobody knows and if you just let it go, it won't restrict you. The more you draw or paint, the more you practice, the better you will get.
'Talent is a pursued practice. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do.' - Bob Ross
So when I look at my notes from the 'Happiness jar' it makes me aware of all the forgotten tiny but precious moments. That puts me in a good place. Being in a good place, makes me free.
Ofcourse new years resolutions are still allowed! :) Such as: making more illustrations, being more active, losing a little bit of weight, drawing A LOT MORE, learn spanish, draw more and never forget: to be more positive!!
PS: That's what I am working on right now:
In the last post I told you guys about my 'Happiness jar'. It is not just there to end my year in a good mood, but also to start the new year in a good mood too.
Of course there are the new year resolutions...BUT if you think 'Oh my, what a failure the last year was - I hope this new year is finally going to change some things' or 'I HAVE to work harder/more/get better, because last year was so terrible' it already puts you in a negative state of mind. I confess I am quite a negative person myself. The glas is mostly half empty and not half full. There is always this catastrophic chain of events in the back of my head of what COULD happen... although nothing has happened yet and nothing will happen and even IF something is going to happen...it is certainly not as bad as my imagination makes me believe.
For me it is very important to be positive. That's when I make good illustrations. That's when I will end up 'in the zone' while illustrating. Otherwise, I will not finish anything. There is always something to change, always something to do better and I didn't even start about taking big decisions. When you are in a negative place, you restrict yourself. You tend to be more aware of bad strokes and every tiny little 'mistake' is a failure. In the end you get so frustrated that you want to give up on this illustration. Maybe you don't even want to be an artist or an illustrator in that moment. Maybe you start to think 'All this is not for me, not when it is so hard to do it.' This is restricting, being to aware of what you are doing.
In my case, when I start with a positive mindset and I make a 'mistake' - or a happy little accident, as Bob Ross would call it - I just let it go. Maybe that stroke is not as you wanted, but let's see where I go from there. In the end it maybe fits in better than you thought. If it is really heading a direction I am not comfortable with, I just get a new piece of paper and start again, take the parts of the illustration I do like and then go on from there. Nobody knows and if you just let it go, it won't restrict you. The more you draw or paint, the more you practice, the better you will get.
'Talent is a pursued practice. In other words, anything that you're willing to practice, you can do.' - Bob Ross
So when I look at my notes from the 'Happiness jar' it makes me aware of all the forgotten tiny but precious moments. That puts me in a good place. Being in a good place, makes me free.
Ofcourse new years resolutions are still allowed! :) Such as: making more illustrations, being more active, losing a little bit of weight, drawing A LOT MORE, learn spanish, draw more and never forget: to be more positive!!
PS: That's what I am working on right now:
12/31/2014
A year is ending
Not just any year. It was a quite exciting year!!
Since two years, I have something that I call my 'Happiness jar'. I write down all the little and big things that made me happy in at some point and put them in that jar. Each year a new glass. I started this new tradition in 2013 because I tend to lose track of all the things I did or experienced and always feel disappointed when a year ends because I wasn't able to fulfil everything I intended to fulfil - or even if I did everything I intended to do - I still think I could have done more or could have done these things better....
At the end of the year I open that jar... and I get a warm fuzzy feeling that this year wasn't so bad after all ;) .
It is something I can just highly recommend!! I just have one rule: I don't put things in which I don't know how they will end. For example: Somebody contacts you for an awesome project and it even seems that it will be a very good paid job. You love the project, you love the client. But... first talks are not always how a project will turn out. The bigger the project the bigger the risk that it will in some way turn out totally different from assumed.... So this is a thing I would not put in my jar. If I would put it in e.g. in April and it gets cancelled shortly after I will feel stupid reading the note at the end of the year that I was so happy about it in the first place. I try to keep a lot of the small daily happy moments in it. A nice talk with someone you look up to, a good meal, something you did you never thought you would have the courage to do so, a perfect day, somebody on street telling you that you look nice etc. Even if you read about it months later it will instantly take you back to that moment. It is also good to mention that I mostly put in events and memories of experiences and not possessions. The later does not make as happy as the first things.
So there were many many things going on this year. I finished my Master with a masterthesis about birds, made some new friends, reconnected with some old nearly lost friends, grew my own vegetables in my own garden, was the maid of honour at my brothers wedding, moved officially to another country (with all the bureaucracy involved...), made my very first progress video, presented at a Behance Portfolio review which had a live connection to New York, visited Paris for the first time in my life and got myself an allotment garden for next year and re-opened my Morlo-shop... :) And these are just the big things... there were many small things which made me just as happy. Of course there were also lows but for me it is better (and I honestly think that is true for everybody else) to highlight the highs to have the feeling of a fulfilled live.
And for next year...
... ahh... I think of next year tomorrow ;)
Since two years, I have something that I call my 'Happiness jar'. I write down all the little and big things that made me happy in at some point and put them in that jar. Each year a new glass. I started this new tradition in 2013 because I tend to lose track of all the things I did or experienced and always feel disappointed when a year ends because I wasn't able to fulfil everything I intended to fulfil - or even if I did everything I intended to do - I still think I could have done more or could have done these things better....
At the end of the year I open that jar... and I get a warm fuzzy feeling that this year wasn't so bad after all ;) .
It is something I can just highly recommend!! I just have one rule: I don't put things in which I don't know how they will end. For example: Somebody contacts you for an awesome project and it even seems that it will be a very good paid job. You love the project, you love the client. But... first talks are not always how a project will turn out. The bigger the project the bigger the risk that it will in some way turn out totally different from assumed.... So this is a thing I would not put in my jar. If I would put it in e.g. in April and it gets cancelled shortly after I will feel stupid reading the note at the end of the year that I was so happy about it in the first place. I try to keep a lot of the small daily happy moments in it. A nice talk with someone you look up to, a good meal, something you did you never thought you would have the courage to do so, a perfect day, somebody on street telling you that you look nice etc. Even if you read about it months later it will instantly take you back to that moment. It is also good to mention that I mostly put in events and memories of experiences and not possessions. The later does not make as happy as the first things.
So there were many many things going on this year. I finished my Master with a masterthesis about birds, made some new friends, reconnected with some old nearly lost friends, grew my own vegetables in my own garden, was the maid of honour at my brothers wedding, moved officially to another country (with all the bureaucracy involved...), made my very first progress video, presented at a Behance Portfolio review which had a live connection to New York, visited Paris for the first time in my life and got myself an allotment garden for next year and re-opened my Morlo-shop... :) And these are just the big things... there were many small things which made me just as happy. Of course there were also lows but for me it is better (and I honestly think that is true for everybody else) to highlight the highs to have the feeling of a fulfilled live.
And for next year...
... ahh... I think of next year tomorrow ;)
12/04/2014
Under the sea - Little mermaid II
So in the last post I showed you the process of the 'Under the sea' illustration.
One or two days later I realised that it was just not working the way I wanted it to. The face wasn't right in any way, althoug I worked with references. I chose a model which I thought beautiful and changed the lighting. In the pictures the lighting cam from top right corner and slightly from behind and for the illustration I decided I needed light from the lower left corner and more from the front. THAT was the biggest mistake I could have done....and second: Always check if the model shoot works for you illustrations!!! Even if you think the person looks very beautiful it may just not work for an illustration. Or to say it in a different way: Is the model a pretty person or is he/she also photogentic AND will it work the same in an illustration??
This is the last stage before I decided to change it.
So.... after thinking about it for 1-2 days I got my got my collection of erasers to get of all the layers I allready had put on, which was nearly a half day of work. Got some new and good references ....and....started all over again.
I sketched the new face firs on paper and layed it in photoshop over my illustration and emphasized the big lines to see if it would work. It does! ;)
And finally the finished piece:
For the first time I actually worked with beaten gold. But you can't really see it in the scan which is why I took some pictures to show that aspect:
...and you can vote for it on Infected by art since I am taking part in the competition for the next annual
One or two days later I realised that it was just not working the way I wanted it to. The face wasn't right in any way, althoug I worked with references. I chose a model which I thought beautiful and changed the lighting. In the pictures the lighting cam from top right corner and slightly from behind and for the illustration I decided I needed light from the lower left corner and more from the front. THAT was the biggest mistake I could have done....and second: Always check if the model shoot works for you illustrations!!! Even if you think the person looks very beautiful it may just not work for an illustration. Or to say it in a different way: Is the model a pretty person or is he/she also photogentic AND will it work the same in an illustration??
This is the last stage before I decided to change it.
So.... after thinking about it for 1-2 days I got my got my collection of erasers to get of all the layers I allready had put on, which was nearly a half day of work. Got some new and good references ....and....started all over again.
I sketched the new face firs on paper and layed it in photoshop over my illustration and emphasized the big lines to see if it would work. It does! ;)
And finally the finished piece:
For the first time I actually worked with beaten gold. But you can't really see it in the scan which is why I took some pictures to show that aspect:
...and you can vote for it on Infected by art since I am taking part in the competition for the next annual
11/18/2014
Little mermaid
So in between I am working on some other illustrations than just scientific ones. In september I already posted the black and white sketch for a portrait of a mermaid.
When I was a kid I used to watch many fairytale films made in eastern countries e.g. Poland, Rumania, USSR, Czechoslovakia and later Czech Republic. Many of them inspired me when I was younger and still do.
I always have the picture of a mermaid from "Malá mořská víla" (The little mermaid - 1976) in my head. Not the Disney version of the little mermaid.
This year I wanted to make my own version of the little mermaid:
Black and white sketch
Black and white sketch but with digital values...
...and the same sketch with some colours...
...and the first layers in my real drawing!! :)
Since the drawing is pagefilling and not - as many of my scientific illustrations - with a lot of white space this will be one of my biggest colour pencil drawings I ever created.
It is 51x45cm - which is 20.1x17.7in!
PS: You can also follow me for this illustration (or others) on Instagram!
When I was a kid I used to watch many fairytale films made in eastern countries e.g. Poland, Rumania, USSR, Czechoslovakia and later Czech Republic. Many of them inspired me when I was younger and still do.
I always have the picture of a mermaid from "Malá mořská víla" (The little mermaid - 1976) in my head. Not the Disney version of the little mermaid.
This year I wanted to make my own version of the little mermaid:
Black and white sketch
Black and white sketch but with digital values...
...and the same sketch with some colours...
...and the first layers in my real drawing!! :)
Since the drawing is pagefilling and not - as many of my scientific illustrations - with a lot of white space this will be one of my biggest colour pencil drawings I ever created.
It is 51x45cm - which is 20.1x17.7in!
PS: You can also follow me for this illustration (or others) on Instagram!
2/15/2014
Questions and Answers
Since I got asked quite a few question in the last time I though I would should share the most common asked questions and answers!!
Q: Can you recommend me some books, maybe instructional videos, or any other resource on colored pencils?
A: In general my answer to that would be that the best thing to do (especially if self taught) is to draw, draw and draw even more.
Actually that is what my teachers make us do. The first year it is all about live drawing classes and trying to really understand what shape and texture you are seeing before you put it on paper. This takes most often more training than it needs talent. I can just repeat what a lot of illustrators, painters and other creatives who inspired me said. You have to keep drawing, even if you have a bad drawing day.
This is a speech of Neil Gaiman about being creative.
About books.... there are MANY books worth recommending, but I would start out with these:
The first would be 'Die Gestalt des Menschen' by Gottfried Bammes. Actually MOST of the books by Bammes are GREAT, why I also recommend 'Der nackte Mensch' ....which I think is one of the few fully translated books 'The naked human'. There is also a book about drawing animals by him.
Right after that there would be two books by James Gurney. These would be 'Color and Light: A Guide for the Realist Painter' and 'Imaginative Realism: How to Paint What Doesn't Exist'. Although the second one doesn't seem to fit in drawing realistic it still offers a lot of good insights, tipps and tricks.
And if it is just about colour pencils I have one book by Ann Swan which is called 'Botanical Portraits with coloured pencils'. If you need a guideline how to start with coloured pencils I think this book offers some good advise. Although I personally do also some stuff which I just came across while drawing.
Q: What materials do you use?
I personally use Polychromos by Faber Castell. I really like the feeling when I draw with them and for me it is the perfect mix of oiliness and pigments.
There are some other colour pencils as these ones (e.g. Prismacolor, Caran D'ache and some others) but I would just try what works best for you and what you can get your hands on (and what is not too pricey).
Q: What paper, do you use?
For the paper: I have the chance to use the paper we use in the academy which is Schoellershammer Duria 300gr (but I think they stopped producing that and now it is the 250 gr).
In the next entry I will present some inspirational blogs, website or artists :)
Q: Can you recommend me some books, maybe instructional videos, or any other resource on colored pencils?
A: In general my answer to that would be that the best thing to do (especially if self taught) is to draw, draw and draw even more.
Actually that is what my teachers make us do. The first year it is all about live drawing classes and trying to really understand what shape and texture you are seeing before you put it on paper. This takes most often more training than it needs talent. I can just repeat what a lot of illustrators, painters and other creatives who inspired me said. You have to keep drawing, even if you have a bad drawing day.
This is a speech of Neil Gaiman about being creative.
About books.... there are MANY books worth recommending, but I would start out with these:
The first would be 'Die Gestalt des Menschen' by Gottfried Bammes. Actually MOST of the books by Bammes are GREAT, why I also recommend 'Der nackte Mensch' ....which I think is one of the few fully translated books 'The naked human'. There is also a book about drawing animals by him.
Right after that there would be two books by James Gurney. These would be 'Color and Light: A Guide for the Realist Painter' and 'Imaginative Realism: How to Paint What Doesn't Exist'. Although the second one doesn't seem to fit in drawing realistic it still offers a lot of good insights, tipps and tricks.
And if it is just about colour pencils I have one book by Ann Swan which is called 'Botanical Portraits with coloured pencils'. If you need a guideline how to start with coloured pencils I think this book offers some good advise. Although I personally do also some stuff which I just came across while drawing.
Q: What materials do you use?
I personally use Polychromos by Faber Castell. I really like the feeling when I draw with them and for me it is the perfect mix of oiliness and pigments.
There are some other colour pencils as these ones (e.g. Prismacolor, Caran D'ache and some others) but I would just try what works best for you and what you can get your hands on (and what is not too pricey).
Q: What paper, do you use?
For the paper: I have the chance to use the paper we use in the academy which is Schoellershammer Duria 300gr (but I think they stopped producing that and now it is the 250 gr).
In the next entry I will present some inspirational blogs, website or artists :)
5/06/2013
Way too much happening right now!!
My mum always says " If something is going to happen it will be very likely that everything is going happen at the same time."
So true, so true (mums are always right anyway :P).
At the moment I don't know where to start with. It is probably the best to start with what allready HAS happened:
A new creation!! This is Albert the MORUNCULUS!! As you can see a Morunculus is a more or less further developed Morlo. They turned to the upright walk and clothing! :)
This ones name is Albert (best pronounced the french way). He likes waffles with strawberries in the morning and insists on having an afternoon coffee-break with a different cake every day. As you can see he has a bit of a sweet tooth (I already told him that if his pants don't fit him anymore he has to make one himself!!) But I got him interested in fruit so hopefully this will be a healthy addition.
I hope that I will be able to show you more Morunculi this year. Albert is what you could call a protoype. As you can see in the next pictures he is slightly posable but I would have liked it to be more. This one will not be for sale since he didn't fully turn out as I expected AND I always like to keep the first of its kind (Morlo, Mini/Baby Morlo and now Morunculus). So if you are interested in buying posable Morunculi stay tuned.
Now I will tell you about all the stuff which is happening right now:
Right now I am preparing for an exhibition in Germany (Halberstadt im Harz). My first exhibition *yeah* :D
It is the 'MoVo - Moderne Vogelmaler' (Modern Birdpainters) and everybody participating has the chance to win the 'Silberne Uhu' (Silver Eagle Owl) as award. I figured that it was time to dare to sign up for one or two competitions this (and maybe every) year. That was my hint in my post "This year will be exciting.
You are probably curious which drawings will be displayed :)
They picked
You can have a closer look at these illustrations in the blogposts Bearded Bird, The Blue Tit and Three little Puffins. I am very happy that three illustrations were chosen. The exhibition will take place in June and I look forward to tell you guys everything about it.
Due to all this happening it could seem as if my final exam has taken a back seat. But it's not like that at all. I hope to be able to post some more details about my project this month. Before (and after) that I will work my ass off to make everything go down as smooth as possible!!! :D
PS: Four more Morlos to come. All finished just waiting to get good pictures taken and descriptions written!!!
PPS: Got featured on Drawing Served with my illustrations of the skeleton and abdomen :) Thanks to the person responsible for that!
So true, so true (mums are always right anyway :P).
At the moment I don't know where to start with. It is probably the best to start with what allready HAS happened:
A new creation!! This is Albert the MORUNCULUS!! As you can see a Morunculus is a more or less further developed Morlo. They turned to the upright walk and clothing! :)
This ones name is Albert (best pronounced the french way). He likes waffles with strawberries in the morning and insists on having an afternoon coffee-break with a different cake every day. As you can see he has a bit of a sweet tooth (I already told him that if his pants don't fit him anymore he has to make one himself!!) But I got him interested in fruit so hopefully this will be a healthy addition.
I hope that I will be able to show you more Morunculi this year. Albert is what you could call a protoype. As you can see in the next pictures he is slightly posable but I would have liked it to be more. This one will not be for sale since he didn't fully turn out as I expected AND I always like to keep the first of its kind (Morlo, Mini/Baby Morlo and now Morunculus). So if you are interested in buying posable Morunculi stay tuned.
Now I will tell you about all the stuff which is happening right now:
Right now I am preparing for an exhibition in Germany (Halberstadt im Harz). My first exhibition *yeah* :D
It is the 'MoVo - Moderne Vogelmaler' (Modern Birdpainters) and everybody participating has the chance to win the 'Silberne Uhu' (Silver Eagle Owl) as award. I figured that it was time to dare to sign up for one or two competitions this (and maybe every) year. That was my hint in my post "This year will be exciting.
You are probably curious which drawings will be displayed :)
They picked
You can have a closer look at these illustrations in the blogposts Bearded Bird, The Blue Tit and Three little Puffins. I am very happy that three illustrations were chosen. The exhibition will take place in June and I look forward to tell you guys everything about it.
Due to all this happening it could seem as if my final exam has taken a back seat. But it's not like that at all. I hope to be able to post some more details about my project this month. Before (and after) that I will work my ass off to make everything go down as smooth as possible!!! :D
PS: Four more Morlos to come. All finished just waiting to get good pictures taken and descriptions written!!!
PPS: Got featured on Drawing Served with my illustrations of the skeleton and abdomen :) Thanks to the person responsible for that!
4/23/2013
Sketchdump
The promised sketches :) This is just a small selection out of my last and my recent sketch book.
You can see here some creatures, some random sketches to get my mind of school and other stuff as well as some sketching for some Morlo designs :)
You can see here some creatures, some random sketches to get my mind of school and other stuff as well as some sketching for some Morlo designs :)
3/16/2013
More to come
I am still busy like a bee :) and although it is a heavy workload it is also quite nice. In two days I will be able to post the finished version of the Puffin illustration (Three little puffins). Hopefully I will be able to show some assignments as I am currently working on a refined drawing of a buck skull and a poster about the sheeps brain in relationship to the sheeps eye and the sensory eye movement (quite a big project ;) ).
So much about my illustrations for academy or for some competitions....
My plushie-online shop got featured by a french website a while ago and I am very thankful for that :) I hope to update the site in the next week. I am looking forward to introduce three new Morlos to my loyal followers and soon I will even introduce a new creature. The Morunculus!!!
And now something inspirational:
a cinematic live dance experience called SEIZURE.
So much about my illustrations for academy or for some competitions....
My plushie-online shop got featured by a french website a while ago and I am very thankful for that :) I hope to update the site in the next week. I am looking forward to introduce three new Morlos to my loyal followers and soon I will even introduce a new creature. The Morunculus!!!
And now something inspirational:
a cinematic live dance experience called SEIZURE.
11/14/2012
“Whenever you feel sad..."
“Whenever you feel sad, think that there are billions of cells inside your body that only care about you”
One of my teachers said that this week.
This is a very nice, especially if you are sick. This week I'm in bed with a bad cold. Sleeping, drawing, sleeping, eating, and more sleeping...But I know my cells are caring now more than ever (actually thats not right, I guess I am on top of the list every day ;) ).
One of my teachers said that this week.
This is a very nice, especially if you are sick. This week I'm in bed with a bad cold. Sleeping, drawing, sleeping, eating, and more sleeping...But I know my cells are caring now more than ever (actually thats not right, I guess I am on top of the list every day ;) ).
Abonnieren
Posts (Atom)