One thing is for sure, anyone in the arts and other occupations experienced the fraud police. Some people hear them knocking, some people live in the constant fear that the fraud police will show up in the form of nagging fans, friends or family, while others have wild nightmares of officers coming to their door (with clipboards) and explaining "We found you out and it is time for you to get a real job."
In my last blog post I wrote about my very own, personal fraud police incident. After inviting them in and having hot chocolate/tea with them, we decided that we can get along. That they wouldn't report me to the non-existent fraud ministry. That I would work on my constant fear of them. That I would work on my relation with self doubt and that we would have dinner some day and maybe even visit the zoo or go for a walk in the park, if the weather is nice.
One part of this relation-therapy between them and me is keeping a journal/sketchbook/diary. These three things can be one book. When J.A.W. Cooper talked about this special sketchbook on One Fantastic Week, I immediately knew that this was the help I was looking for. Something to help myself, since nobody can make the fraud police go away by snapping his/her finger. When I was in London, I got out my crappy sketchbook/travelling journal and started analysing what I liked around me and why I liked it. It helped. I'm not there yet, but it is a start. It is like getting to know someone, slowly, because you don't want to spoil all the surprising moments when you feel a connection falling into place. The "We are friends, maybe great friends and maybe even more than that, as long as we don't spoil it by moving to fast"- kind of getting to know each other. So ... that is where I am right now. While trying to figure out, how to cope with self doubt and the fraud police (who, nice as they are, let me know that fear of failing feels left out, although he did just exactly what they did a while ago) I figured that constantly looking at everything that everybody else does and works on, is not the best thing to do. Right now it is time to figure out how I can reach common ground with all my fears. (okay, not all my fears....haha)
