About being in between and getting there

So you finished art school. You are not a beginner any more. Officially - for sure compared to someone who just pursues it as a hobby - you are now a professional. But you yourself feel far away from being as professional as you would like to be? You get commissions. But you are not producing the work you would love to produce?
Then you probably in the gloomy grounds of In-between. When you are still surrounded by the safe borders of art-school-country, In-between seems a country that is far away. You might even think “Yeah, but I will just pass through In-between to get the land of milk and honey were the professionals live and work”.
Then you cross the border and get 'professional' stamp in your passport. Before you can protest - “But I am not a real professional yet” - you get shoved out of the line. There you are in In-between. Just you, your pencil and a stamp in your passport that says that you are already that what you want to be, but seems too presumptuous to actually call yourself that.

Some things that happen in In-between are weird commissions. Things you would not do if you had the freedom (aka. money) to chose in that certain moment: “Sure I do logo design....” up to: “soooo.... you want me to illustrate that book in the style of that famous illustrator who wouldn't work for you because you don't want to pay them what they are worth?” up to just plainly getting laughed at by potential clients, because they assume you are filthy rich if actually anybody would pay you the rates you proposed to them. They didn't laugh at the phone. No, they wrote the laugh in an email (“Hahahahaha....”).

Luckily - at least some wise art-hermits told their followers - you won't spend the rest of your career in In-between. There are some lucky bastards who are able to board the train which goes directly from art-school-country to the promised land where thy pencil has never to be sharpened and thy Wacom nibs won't tear down nor scratch thy Wacom surface. The rest of us have to go through In-between. Sometimes for a longer time than you have thought or you would like to. But just try to enjoy the ride! To give your arty soul some fuel to speed your travels up a bit:

Stephen Silver - "DAMN IT!!! Follow Through"

Stephen Silver - What does hard work for artists mean?


Confessions of an illustrator

Since I wrote about feeling insecure and doubting yourself I thought it maybe time to address how illustrators interact with other people. My view is of course mostly based on my own experiences, feedback by my creative friends and the illustrators/artists I've talked about these experiences. There are however exceptions, so don't think I'd allow myself to think ALL illustrators on this planet feel like this.

If you create art, you have to like spending time with yourself.

Some of us love to paint, draw or write. A big inspiration to write is the fact, that the stories you WOULD have wanted to read, are not out there yet. That's why you write them. Same goes for painting/drawing. The fact that you would rather write/draw/paint than....lets see, go to a big ass party or go rock-climbing or go hiking for days or be a marathon-runner. You write/draw/paint because you feel like it is the best thing to do with your life.
If you paint or draw and pursue it as a professional career it is because you really like doing that. You like making art so much, that you even do it although it can be hard and frustrating at times. In art school I had a time that I got so frustrated by my teachers and assignments, that a friend of mine said 'I don't get it. If you hate making art so much, why don't you stop!?' Fellow artists know what I mean when I told him 'I could never ever do that!!'

Most creatives live in a bubble. It can be hard to grasp why you do what you do for people outside of this bubble. Especially friends and family who have a normal day job have a hard time to understand working freelance, let alone working as a creative freelancer. Sometimes there will be days (or weeks) when things go slow. You finally have a lot of time to work on your personal projects or your website OR to tend to some other things (spring cleaning the house). And then there will be the crazy times, working several client jobs at once, calling non-stop, sending out emails non-stop, being stuck to your phone because you wait for important calls, short nights and ordering take away because you just don't feel like cooking on top of everything else. Sometimes it even means working through the weekend or holidays. Sometimes you will have to cancel a night out with friends because this commission is juicy but sadly has to be done in 2 days (in editorial it's even shorter). Sometimes friends don't understand because 'Your client just can not ask of you to work those crazy times!!? Right!?'
This is only part of it. Living a modest life, so that you don't get into trouble when a client drops you, or working a day job next to your profession are other parts people tend to forget. Not taking part in sports or activities that might endanger your hand/arms/eyes is another consequence of wrapping your life around the fact that you make art. Instead of pursuing these'dangerous activities' you do boring exercises against the inflictions of working as an illustrator.
And although this might sound horrible or weird to some and although others might not understand why you go through with all this when you could just have a normal nine to five job and enjoy holidays and nights/weekends off, you still just LOVE what you do. More than regular work times, more than weekends off, more than being outdoorsy, more than a sport you would like to pursue but is too dangerous for your hands.

(That's me being outdoorsy....)


A lifetime friend - S. Doubt

Everybody has that special friend. For some of you this friend is a big part of your life. Spending waaaayyy too much time with him. Sometimes he starts to creep you out because he just seems to know which are the nights you can't sleep and pops up to keep you company. Some of your other friends don't like him so much. They give you advice, that you don't really need him, that he is just dragging you down, making you feel bad about yourself and that the friendship, you two have, is more of an abusive relationship. But there are other friends who introduced you two by giving well meant advice about what to do differently in your life.

Self Doubt:
1. Lack of confidence in the reliability of one's own motives, personality, thought, etc.

Everybody knows him. Even if you don't belief me because the CEO of a big company can't possibly be uncertain about his business, or the doctor who helped you so confidently in the hospital, or the bus driver who is nice to everyone, or the kind primary school teacher or....
Of course they all have their own Self Doubt. Some are greeted by him in their homes where nobody else waits on them, but him. Some run into him when they least expect it (mostly at nice dinners with a group of friends) and he just sits there, whispering in their ear that everybody else is doing better. Some sleep next to him and he gets up with them, when they are going to make coffee, following them around for the rest of the day. Self Doubt is a good friend, always there when he thinks you need him. Right?

Since Self Doubt is not someone to chase away easily maybe it is a solution to embosom him? Use your relationship to get an insight in your way of working, to get an insight into why you would react as you do. Spar with Self Doubt:
Why are you scared to talk in front of a crowd? What is the worst that can happen? Make Self Doubt clear although he tries to convince you that you will drop dead the moment you mispronounce a word, move weirdly or if you lose your thread, that it won't happen. You won't drop dead. People won't point their fingers. Hack, most people won't even notice and even if they did, they will forget about it.
If you are scared you could mess something up just think about how it could impact your life a month, a year, five years from now. Think about moments when you doubted yourself because of something embarrassing that happened in the past and if anybody now (besides yourself) still cares about it. It will show you how your anxiety fuelled imagination differs from reality. It will put Self Doubt in his place.

Or another example: Why do people give you advice how to do things in your life? Most of them mean well. They want to help you to go down the right path. The problem is that everyone - especially in the creative business - has their own path. There is no recipe to success. Why does Self Doubt show up, when you get that well meant advice? Does he whisper: “They think you are doing it wrong! Everything will be better, if you would just follow their advice.” Do you get confused or angry because you start to doubt yourself after getting that advice? Or because you get the feeling that maybe your friends or family doubt you because they think your life needs some tweaking in the right direction?
They probably just feel that you are not quite there yet. Not there where you want to be, or where they want you to be. Doing well and leading an independent, self sustained and happy/prosperous life. As soon as you realize that most comments about how to do things, are - although not very thoughtful - meant to help you. Self Doubt will not be able to use these comments in his advantage.

These are just two examples how to deal with Self Doubt or one of his friends and family (...auntie anxiety anyone?). Don't ponder too much and confront your Self Doubt why he showed up in that specific moment. It can show you that people want to help you with their advice because they feel your dissatisfaction that you are not yet where or who you want to be. And when you ask him "But I am not that unhappy!? I know it takes time to get where I want to go. I know there is no shortcut. Hack, maybe I never arrive. But that is no reason for you to spoil my ride!"

So F*** you Self Doubt!


First illustration of the year

To get into the mood I started 2016 with this small illustration of a european robin! There is one of these little fellas visiting and living our garden every winter.


Something old and something new.....

So.....its this special time again...

In the neighbourhood I live and work in it is impossible to miss that the end of the year is close. The frequency of early fireworks (although illegal before New Year's Eve) increases with every passing day in December.

With every pop of firework outside my window I get more conscious about this yearly fix point in time. Unintentionally I start to reflect about the ending year and to ponder about the beginning year. What happened? What were the good things? What were the not so good things? Would I do something differently with the knowledge I have now? How will these things change my behaviour in 2016?

At the end of 2015 I followed some good advice from Vanessa Lemen and Laura Panepinto from Muddy Colors.

"Your art as your voice and mirror" by Vanessa Lemen is a more reflective post and helps to get a new, different view on your art/your life. By looking back on what made an impact on you in 2015 helps you to determine what was/is very important. Writing it down and reading it again after some time gives you a clearer image of events. At the same time you will be challenged to ask yourself some questions to get a totally different view on things.

"How to Get What You Want: Know What You Want" by Laura Panepinto is not only for 'New Year's Resolutions' but you can use this throughout the whole year. It is a good method to concretize your goals. On the one hand will you end up with some workable ambitions (e.g. blog once a week/start an instagram) in contrast to a vague goal (e.g. have more online followers). On the other hand you will get a clear picture what is really important and what is not as important as you always thought it would be.

A third method to end the year on a high note and start the new year very motivated is my 'happy jar'.
I write down all the little and big things that made me happy in at some point and put them in that jar. Each year a new glass. I started this new tradition in 2013 because I tend to lose track of all the things I did or experienced and always feel disappointed when a year ends because I wasn't able to fulfil everything I intended to fulfil - or even if I did everything I intended to do - I still think I could have done more or could have done these things better....
At the end of the year I open that jar... and I get a warm fuzzy feeling that this year wasn't so bad after all ;).

All in all 2015 was a good year. Probably even a very good year! My very first year of working full time as an illustrator and I can't say it was a bad first year!
Taking part in competitions was a big part and although I took part in about 10 bigger competitions/judged annuals/judged exhibitions I won one of them and got into two exhibitions.

Through that I got to know some awesome artists and I hope that I will be just as successful as they are, enjoying my wonderful job together with my loved ones. I got to travel and went on holiday for the first time in 8 years! I grew a shit load of vegetables on my 100m² allotment garden, learned to crochet and to knit...and started a new secret hobby which will stay secret so that nobody can ask me to show them how good I got. Something that I greedily keep to myself, hrhr.

Happy new year to everyone out there. May 2016 be a magical year!


One day out with the fraud police

So in the last post I told you about the infamous fraud police. These guys existed probably ever since the first being decided to paint on the wall of a cave. But they got their name by Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer. If anyone knows anyone else who gave that particular feeling a name before, let me know in the comments!

One thing is for sure, anyone in the arts and other occupations experienced the fraud police. Some people hear them knocking, some people live in the constant fear that the fraud police will show up in the form of nagging fans, friends or family, while others have wild nightmares of officers coming to their door (with clipboards) and explaining "We found you out and it is time for you to get a real job."

In my last blog post I wrote about my very own, personal fraud police incident. After inviting them in and having hot chocolate/tea with them, we decided that we can get along. That they wouldn't report me to the non-existent fraud ministry. That I would work on my constant fear of them. That I would work on my relation with self doubt and that we would have dinner some day and maybe even visit the zoo or go for a walk in the park, if the weather is nice.

One part of this relation-therapy between them and me is keeping a journal/sketchbook/diary. These three things can be one book. When J.A.W. Cooper talked about this special sketchbook on One Fantastic Week, I immediately knew that this was the help I was looking for. Something to help myself, since nobody can make the fraud police go away by snapping his/her finger. When I was in London, I got out my crappy sketchbook/travelling journal and started analysing what I liked around me and why I liked it. It helped. I'm not there yet, but it is a start. It is like getting to know someone, slowly, because you don't want to spoil all the surprising moments when you feel a connection falling into place. The "We are friends, maybe great friends and maybe even more than that, as long as we don't spoil it by moving to fast"- kind of getting to know each other. So ... that is where I am right now. While trying to figure out, how to cope with self doubt and the fraud police (who, nice as they are, let me know that fear of failing feels left out, although he did just exactly what they did a while ago) I figured that constantly looking at everything that everybody else does and works on, is not the best thing to do. Right now it is time to figure out how I can reach common ground with all my fears. (okay, not all my fears....haha)


Self doubt and the fraud police stay for tea

First: Every time I write a blog post I adopt a resolution to post regularly again! Sadly, grown up life (especially grown up life of a freelance illustrator) will teach you what is a priority and what is not.

Second: I not only made it into the World Illustration Awards exhibition, but won the New Talent Award in the category Research and Knowledge Communication. Yay!! Last month I was able to attend the private view night and it was great! I got to know so many new and great people/artists (check out: Aad Goudappel, Pieter van Eenoge, Nata Joh, João Fazenda) and enjoyed a few days in London.

And finally third: Why I didn't write as much as I wanted to is, that over the past few months I have been stuck. Stuck is not the right word, though. Lost comes close, but so does bewildered, stunned, disoriented.... and weirdly enough: shipwrecked.
One thing you have to know about me is this: I make plans. Like communist countries. I make 5 year plans. Sometimes I will make 3 year plans....or rather: I make ONE 5 year plan with sub-distributions. I think about what I want to achieve in these years and how to achieve it. Then the goals get set. Most of the time (just as in communist countries) those 5 year plans don't work out. That's okay. Just let me get out my 5-year-plan-paper and let's make a new 5 year plan!

Then I finished my MA and I made - what else - a plan. First I would work on getting settled in. Taking part in competitions, then I sent out my portfolio, got my first clients, invested the money in my business, took part in some more competitions, sent out a second batch of portfolios, got some more clients, signed my first NDA's, won my first important prize....
At tat point I started to think "Okay, that is how settling in feels like!" And it felt okay - kind of. Not only was the fraud police knocking at the - or rather trying to knock down the door with a battering ram - of my confidence castle. It also occurred to me that something felt odd. Wasn't there a constant knocking coming from the other side of the hallway? While seeing the front door bending under the pressure of the fraud police, self doubt came knocking at the backdoor. "What are you doing?" I heard him howling. "Which kind of illustrator do you want to be?" He whispered when I came closer. That was the moment I faltered.

It didn't hit me like lightening. It was more like a game of chicken. But then with myself in both cars - or rather, since I don't drive - on both bikes. You see them coming but you think "They will give way." After a few moments: "It does look like we are going to crash - but we won't!!" There were many reasons why my other me, with self doubt sitting on the carrier, would have to give way. "I just have to get settled in. Then this weird feeling will go away.", "If I have enough client work, this weird feeling will go away.", "If I get credit in form of getting in exhibitions and competitions, this weird feeling will go away."
Naturally it didn't go away. So, I got of my bike, left it there and barricaded myself in confidence castle and .... pondered.
Why did something feel off?? I know what I can and can't do and I have a 5 year plan. That couldn't be the reason why self doubt was still sticking around. (For the record: Self doubt always sticks around, because you will never feel good enough, but it is like a self-doubt-chihuahua. With a tendency to be neurotic and sometimes nasty but certainly manageable.) While I had barricaded myself in the castle of confidence (or now rather contemplation!?), life went on, until my self doubt came knocking, until I heard him hissing the particular question through the cracks...

Other professionals define it as 'finding your voice'. What is it, that you as an illustrator want to express to the world!? What is it, that excites you, moves you to tears, frustrates you, makes you angry!? What is it, that you want to show everyone!? And Why!? Because it is such a vital component in the cogs of this vast world? Or because it is not important at all, but oh so wondrous? Because there is delicacy even in disfigurement, defects and all the flaws? Or maybe because it is the other way around? Maybe because occasionally beauty will break your heart...and more often all the ugliness and monstrousness of the world will break it in a whole other way....

So... I opened the door and invited self doubt in. Then I went to the front door, made it clear that I will open for the fraud police and that they please not knock me over. While I unlocked the door, I picked up some mumbling 'that's a new one' (I think officer #1) 'yeah, in most cases they reinforce the doors....' (officer#2) 'exactly! Or we knock the door down'(officer#1)....*agreeing mumbling*.... and self doubt watched me....doubtfully...
And there we were. Actually, the officers of the fraud police were not as frightening as I thought they would be. Two small, goofy looking blobby figures with police hats and clipboards. They did their best to look stern though. But - risking they would report me to the frau-by-artists-ministry - I invited them in and made some hot chocolate and a chamomile tea for officer #2. Then we talked for a long time....


Competitions - putting yourself out there

Hello everyone! Apologies for my absence lately. I just wrapped up a big project (client work) and will soon get the time to start a couple of new illustrations! Thank you so much for your patience :)

First: I can't believe it has been four months since I wrote my last blog post!!! Time just flew by. Summer is knocking at my door and I hope to be able to write more, since summer is a time without client work. There are many subjects I would like to write about. Just to name a few: “Fake it 'til you make it”, “Two Freelancers living together...madness in a nutshell”, “Refilling your batteries”, “The imposter syndrome” .....

But right now I think it is the time to give you an update about WHY I was absent for four months!!

First I was engaged with clients work which I won't be sharing for different reasons. Second: I am engaged with rebuilding my portfolio. Polishing up some of my scientific work from the last two years and *drum roll* build a new portfolio from personal work for ... eh... hm... illustration. Like....not scientific illustration. Fantasy illustration I guess. In Dutch and German you would call it 'free illustration', which makes no sense in English, since it is just...illustration...without a certain field of expertise. Third: Sending out portfolios and solicitations and finally: Fourth: taking part in competitions.

When I finished my study I made a list of interesting competitions to take part in with my final exam and for future fantasy illustrations. Back then I just randomly googled for illustration competition, design, drawing, painting etc. Now I found a really neat website who does that for you and has a broad variety of competitions for you to chose from:graphiccompetitions.com

Over the last six months I have taken part in six competitions, although I planned to take part in thirteen competitions until this summer. Three of those didn't go through with their annual competition, making it ten. Out of those ten I decided to postpone two until I have better/more fitting work and missed two illustrations due to client work. All in all.... six out of ten in six months is still good. But let's have a look which ones paid of to take part in. I didn't make the first round in two out of those six (one of these did'nt come as a surprise), in one case I made in the 'selected but not hung'-section, in another case my work got in the exhibition, one I made the short list and the last is still pending.

Some of my friends ask my why I would take part in so many competitions. So here is why: Working from home, living in a small, but artistically overcrowded city, I think this is one of the best ways to get my work out there. Not that I would purely rely on taking part in competitions. It is something you can do next to networking and sending out your portfolio. I myself think it is a good way to showcase your work and (which is maybe even more important for me) to up my game. If I don't make the selection it is either because: 1) The quality of my work compared to the other illustration not good enough 2)It is not what the judges were looking for in this competition. The first reason wants me to become a better artist, the second makes me think about my target audience (aka the judges in the competition). But there is a third reason for taking part in competitions: Developing a thick skin for the right moments. I know quite a few people who would get discouraged when taking part in a competition and not making it in the selection, or not winning. Of course I don't like it either. But it makes me realize that it is nothing personal. It is not that the judges didn't 'like' my work (or me for producing it), it is just that there may be 200 or 2000 other works and just 50 will be selected. If there are 500 mermaid illustrations 1500 various illustrations and 50 submissions will be chosen, then it is just pure bad luck that you sent in a mermaid illustration. If there are just 5 mermaid illustration in the 2000 submissions your chances are a lot higher to get in with a mermaid illustration. For some competitions you may even want to develop a good technique how you present and when to send your work, as Dan dos Santos points out in his Muddy Colors blogpost: The Strategy of Submitting to Spectrum.

For those of you who are curious about my competitions and exhibitions: I made the 'selected but not hung' catalogue of the David Shepherd Wildlife Foundation: The Wildlife Artist of the year with this little fella:

I made it into the biennial exhibition of modern birdpainters, the MoVo, in Halberstadt, Germany with my Ara and the Blue heron:

(I just remembered that I didn't post anything about finishing my Green-winged macaw)

I couldn't attend the official opening personally, but a dear colleague, Lisa Pannek, took a picture for me!! - and I feel honoured to have my drawings next to the painting "Montagu`s harrier male preening" made by Paschalis Dougalis!

And I made it on the shortlist for the World Illustrators Award by Association of Illustrators and the Directory of Illustration with the illustrations of my final exam:


About being scared and feeling safe

Maybe too safe...

Concentrating mainly on developing my skills I feel as if I had lost the connection to the concept part of being an illustrator. But everybody around me told me last year: "It's normal to feel of. You have been a student for 7 years and now being out there in the real world feels weird and it frightens you." and "You had a very stressful time with your final project and it's normal to feel awkward and feel like you don't fit in."

But my real problem was that I had the feeling that I lost my mojo. Okay, I can draw well on good drawing days, but to be an illustrator you have to have more skills than that. The past weeks I talked with a couple of other freelancers and...of course everybody has some issues (for example the imposter syndrome) but the best advise was: "Just let it go. Don't stress too much about it and have fun!"
That was when I remembered something from my first year in art academy. After a few months, I finally managed to make a decent painting of a still life. Everything was in balance and when my teacher asked me (when we had evaluation) which painting I liked the best I proudly pointed to it and said: "This one, because it feels like someone professional painted it." And he said "Okay. Your next assignment is to let it got. Take that painting and make something different with it. Paint over it or rip it up, cut it up and make a collage." Of course I got upset. I felt cheated. Being proud of it was going to be the reason why I had to destroy it. That is why I refused and was ready to get a bad grade for the next assignment. But then he said: "Why are you so upset? It's just a painting. You are going to make a lot of paintings. You have to learn to let it go. You are scared right now to let it go. Don't be scared. You can't be dragged down by that one good painting. You have to learn to dare to make something great, let it go and make something new, which may or may not be as good. Don't hold on to it because you will get scared of making something new, because it might not be as good as your last piece." He looked at my stubborn expression. "But I can't force you to do it. The only thing is that you are scared of letting that painting go and I think you should not be scared by that."
It took me a few days before his message came through and I felt kinda stupid about my childish behaviour...

And now, thinking of these words again, I noticed that I am very scared. Not only of being a freelance illustrator, projects and clients but also about making non-scientific/non-realistic drawings. Let's be honest. I like to draw realistic. I like to draw birds. It keeps the skills I learned in my masters programme alive. But I want more and just don't dare to let it go. To take the risk and maybe create very crappy illustrations at first because I don't know what I want or how to do it. Being scared that they will look worse than the scientific/realistic stuff I make....

But I have to let it go!

PS: I finished the blue heron:

Sketch as I posted it in "A new year begins".

Finished illustration. (Drawing birds calmes me down! :D)


Time and productivity

Time is a big issue, as is 'style' Which I also hope to cover in the next few weeks. But for now: Time. Making time. Having time. Spending time. Wasting... time.
Time is something everybody has in the same amounts. But today I think even more than any time before there are plenty of ways to 'waste' time. You can not really waste time, since you don't own time. Just as much as you can not make time. But these are just expressions we used to express something else. Wasting time = execute activities in a certain amount of time which are not thought of as productive. Spending time = execute activities which are seen as (socially) important. Making time = postpone or drop certain activities to do something else instead in the same time. Having time = not having any activities in a certain time.
Of course these are no official definitions, just mine. These definitions are also the reason why I stated that you can't waste time. You can however 'spend' time (execute activities in a certain amount of time) which we see as wasteful as surfing in the internet, hang out on facebook way to long, play computer games, sleeping in etc. etc. It's not as if you don't now what I mean. You just want to have a look at your facebook news feed and when you check the time it's two hours later. There are also activities which we quite enjoy and although being just a hobby, are not seen as unproductive as the examples I mentioned for wasting your time. Like reading, enjoying time with your friends or loved ones, gardening etc. This would be the category 'spending' time. I think 'having' or 'making' time are self-explanatory.

So this year I want to blog more (and not just dump some pictures, but talk about things I consider interesting), be more healthy (hehe ;) ) aaaand.... be more productive. Although for some friends I already am quite productive I always look at others and think 'Oh my, he/she did paint so many paintings this year... and what have I done!??' For a moment I can become a little discouraged, but shortly after I get motivated. (A good example for one of these moments was, when I read 'Taking' stock' on Muddy colors by David Palumbo. But in the last weeks I started to feel that I have to make some changes if I want to be more productive. One of these changes would be to spend less time on unproductive things!! Which is why I am going to have social-media-free days in which I won't visit facebook, instagram, deviantart, blogger or behance. I hope that I will be able to hang in there and to not fall back into old habits.

Since social media can be an important tool, there is also an important reason why I want to do that. I follow many artists I admire. So when I just login to check on one of my platforms, I can sometimes get overwhelmed by their work. Not only how good they are but also how much they produced in a time in which I didn't even get close to finish as many pieces as they did, not even half of what they made.... And I would beat myself up for that. Why couldn't I be just as productive as they are, not even talking about why can't I be as good as they are....
Da LuVisi wrote a great article about how his life changed for the better when he left social media. Although I don't intent on leaving it, I think I just need more discipline and stop looking at everybody else's art and start enjoying drawing again ;) or as Bob Ross would put it:

PS: For the ones who are wondering what I am up to. At the moment I am very engaged with several projects and taking part in many contests AND started to work on my new website (with some help by my lovely boyfriend ;) ). But I hope that I will soon be able to show everything here!!